“You are a guest in their marriage and a guest in their home. You have to fold into their rules and their lives if you want to be welcome there.”-Dr. Phil
Any discussion about moving in or living together should be a serious conversation wherein all aspects should be adequately covered and all other options explored.
It is never to be taken lightly and should not be done on a whim—especially if the type of living settlement you are looking into is one that involves your family living together with your in-laws. You may have a range of reasons for wishing to do so, and if you and your spouse are still starting out, this kind of living arrangement is very much understandable. However, regardless of whether you wish to begin a multigenerational family home or simply because financial constraints would not allow, you should know that living with your in-laws can potentially disrupt the family dynamics and would often shift its equilibrium. This is because, more often than not, in-laws would still think of themselves as parental authorities and may have the inclination to meddle with the way you run your family. In this regard, friction and tension may ensue and may disturb the familial harmony among family members.
This is not to say that you would be subjecting yourself to this kind of dilemma for the remainder of the time your family lives with your in-laws or vice versa. However, you do need to tread carefully as one wrong move on your part can be construed as hostility and may breed contempt and animosity in the family home. In any case, should you intend to live with your in-laws (or have them live with you) in Kasara Urban Resort Residences or elsewhere, here are some of the things you ought to know:
1.) Set boundaries
Know what to expect before moving in together. With this in mind, you should talk to your partner about what you can reasonably expect from living with your in-laws. Discuss what kind of ground rules you would like to have with your partner and come up with ways wherein life can be easier for everyone. As an example, you can offer to do some of the chores or split the
household responsibilities. Moreover, you and your spouse should have at least one night to yourselves. In any case, come up with boundaries and rules you can all agree on and one that would maintain the friendly atmosphere in the family home.
2.) Stay out of family arguments
It is inevitable for your partner to revert to their teenage or even childhood years once they are living with their parents again. At times, they might expect to be coddled, or it might even lead to conflicts and arguments. No doubt, feathers are going to get ruffled, and they might feel resentful about the situation which can easily escalate into a full-blown squabble. While you
are duty-bound to support your spouse in almost every situation, choose to sit this one out. Do not meddle and never take sides. Once your spouse starts fighting with any member of the primary family, stay out of it. You might wish to go to another room as more often than not, arguments and conflicts such as that would make you feel like an outsider and it is something your spouse would not likely wish for you to witness. At some point, conflicts are inevitable, but everyone will eventually get used to them and make up at the end of the day.
3.) Find privacy
One thing that can be a bit of a challenge to come by when you are living with your in-laws is finding privacy. This is especially true if you are a newlywed living with your spouse’s parents. At times, sneaking around can feel like the both of you are still in your teenage years and going behind your parents’ backs. Unfortunately, while it might make you feel mischievous, it can be one way to dampen the intimacy, and it can get old pretty fast. To ensure that this does not happen, designate areas that are off-limits to your in-laws. If you are living with them, then it is best to ask if you and your spouse can have a day of the week wherein you can be alone.
4.) Do not be afraid to ask for help
Sure, living with in-laws can bring all sorts of stress and can be incredibly draining. However, it does not have to hurt your marriage, and the moment it does, you might need to take a step back and ask yourself whether this type of living situation is still ideal for you and your partner. Alternatively, you can seek the help of a counselor or family therapist. If things at home are not as happy and peaceful as it once was, ask a professional to mediate things. Remember, your marriage should be your number one priority.
Any discussion about moving in or living together should be a serious conversation wherein all aspects should be adequately covered and all other options explored.
It is never to be taken lightly and should not be done on a whim—especially if the type of living settlement you are looking into is one that involves your family living together with your in-laws. You may have a range of reasons for wishing to do so, and if you and your spouse are still starting out, this kind of living arrangement is very much understandable. However, regardless of whether you wish to begin a multigenerational family home or simply because financial constraints would not allow, you should know that living with your in-laws can potentially disrupt the family dynamics and would often shift its equilibrium. This is because, more often than not, in-laws would still think of themselves as parental authorities and may have the inclination to meddle with the way you run your family. In this regard, friction and tension may ensue and may disturb the familial harmony among family members.
This is not to say that you would be subjecting yourself to this kind of dilemma for the remainder of the time your family lives with your in-laws or vice versa. However, you do need to tread carefully as one wrong move on your part can be construed as hostility and may breed contempt and animosity in the family home. In any case, should you intend to live with your in-laws (or have them live with you) in Kasara Urban Resort Residences or elsewhere, here are some of the things you ought to know:
1.) Set boundaries
Know what to expect before moving in together. With this in mind, you should talk to your partner about what you can reasonably expect from living with your in-laws. Discuss what kind of ground rules you would like to have with your partner and come up with ways wherein life can be easier for everyone. As an example, you can offer to do some of the chores or split the
household responsibilities. Moreover, you and your spouse should have at least one night to yourselves. In any case, come up with boundaries and rules you can all agree on and one that would maintain the friendly atmosphere in the family home.
2.) Stay out of family arguments
It is inevitable for your partner to revert to their teenage or even childhood years once they are living with their parents again. At times, they might expect to be coddled, or it might even lead to conflicts and arguments. No doubt, feathers are going to get ruffled, and they might feel resentful about the situation which can easily escalate into a full-blown squabble. While you
are duty-bound to support your spouse in almost every situation, choose to sit this one out. Do not meddle and never take sides. Once your spouse starts fighting with any member of the primary family, stay out of it. You might wish to go to another room as more often than not, arguments and conflicts such as that would make you feel like an outsider and it is something your spouse would not likely wish for you to witness. At some point, conflicts are inevitable, but everyone will eventually get used to them and make up at the end of the day.
3.) Find privacy
One thing that can be a bit of a challenge to come by when you are living with your in-laws is finding privacy. This is especially true if you are a newlywed living with your spouse’s parents. At times, sneaking around can feel like the both of you are still in your teenage years and going behind your parents’ backs. Unfortunately, while it might make you feel mischievous, it can be one way to dampen the intimacy, and it can get old pretty fast. To ensure that this does not happen, designate areas that are off-limits to your in-laws. If you are living with them, then it is best to ask if you and your spouse can have a day of the week wherein you can be alone.
4.) Do not be afraid to ask for help
Sure, living with in-laws can bring all sorts of stress and can be incredibly draining. However, it does not have to hurt your marriage, and the moment it does, you might need to take a step back and ask yourself whether this type of living situation is still ideal for you and your partner. Alternatively, you can seek the help of a counselor or family therapist. If things at home are not as happy and peaceful as it once was, ask a professional to mediate things. Remember, your marriage should be your number one priority.